baby oh baby

April 14th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink

Having been alone the last 15 years, you can try to imagine my state of insecurity. Try harder.

I was self inflict with paranoia, distrust and delusional.

Cranking and chanting, he loves me, he loves me not.

Obsessed, I made him promised a million things, and this one thing in particular


Each and everyone of them. No matter how small the flickering lights on a dampened wicker.

Kill it.

Call me possessive, call me nuts. Delete all skype, mobile and email contacts. numbers from his little naughty black book be erased.

I left him no chance. Made him assure me that nothing and no one is gonna come between us.

BUT, my Stevie sighed a big CANNOT.

Desperate I was to be hitched, I hide my disgust and gave him my broadest mechanical smile and asked, ” But why?”.

He pleaded impossibility.

The truth be known.

I have to share everything with Miss M, his favourite niece, a little kiddo.

This is a special one that I must promise to allow to come in between us.

Someone that he would treat best first, before me. I must allow him to address her as affectionately as “baby”, endearment, I thought should be exclusive for me as girlfriend and then as wife.

Never mind that; I thought, Margaux was no competition. She is only a kid, for god’s sake, Joanne.

Moreover, he promised that Margaux will be his little baby and I am the grand one.

in between - lenscape of my mind

We went through many embarrassing moments, whenever he mentioned “BABY” and we had to decide, whom was he addressing.

Those days, it was so hilarious when Margaux wanted to sleep in between us. Especially, when she won in pleading hubby to stay over with her and poor me had to drive home and sleep alone. I rarely win here, I walk over. For heaven’s sake, Margaux is just a sweet little kid.

After 2 years, Margaux and I have become the best of friends. We know how to adjust and be happy; that’s when Stevie gets to sleep in the middle, sandwich between us.

Of course, quietly, tuck underneath his pillow he has his current beau.

His new baby, a black berry.



a visitor

April 5th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink

reincarnation - lenscape of my mind

It is Qing Ming season.

Noticed this beautiful moth sitting quietly on the kitchen wall.

Warned not to kill or shoo it away, way back when I was even a kid.

I have been made to believe, these moths are our relatives who have passed on.

They are visitors.

Do we really come back?


April 3rd, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink

清明 杜牧


Qing Ming by Du Mu

It drizzles endless during the rainy season in spring,
Travelers along the road look gloomy and miserable.
When I ask a shepherd boy where I can find a tavern,
He points at a distant hamlet nestling amidst apricot blossoms.

beautiful beings - stevie chan


I want to celebrate life.

To have spent my time and hard-earned money on travel, basic amenities of comfort and a little to spare for emergencies.

Sickness? I have my insurance to deal with it.

Retirement? I don’t know if I could live beyond that. If I do, hopefully I should live long enough to spend all my money inside the Employee Provident Fund.

I feel sad with the way people handle death. Whoever’s idea for elaborate burials?

See no need to get myself a majestic tombstone. Nor a budget columbarium.

Why let people profit from my death?

I have decided and agreed with my siblings to cremate me. No need for storage in a beautiful ceramic urn. Keep it simple and no stress for loved ones.

Toss me into a river.

When I am dead, remember me everyday for the time we had spent together. Remember how I had meant much to have made our lives beautiful. Remember me whenever you miss me.

Travel not a day in a year just to catch glimpses of my past.

When I am dead, let me be gone.

All memories of me stay, everyday in every way!