hope

June 5th, 2013 § 0 comments § permalink

just remember

change is happening every second

 

don’t forget

sadness and happiness are merely a state

 

peel away the sadness

comes day

 

for day will always follow night

despair not

run

March 17th, 2013 § 0 comments § permalink

time

and tide

wait for no man

My Canvas Arrived

March 15th, 2013 § 0 comments § permalink

A brand new chapter of my life as Mrs. Chan has made me, joanne khoo, sort of absent. I kind of disappeared but not exactly vanished. I just played wife so comfortably well.

Since tying the knot, Stevie and I progressed from our nomadic lives to happy settlers. Although it took us longer than expected, a year was way too long for a small apartment to be renovated.

I am totally in love with HOME, a spacious abode carefully designed by my talented hubby. Visit us and you shall want a place similar as your own. Big in hospitality and small in maintenance.

Met many strangers and made many of them my best friends and family. We meet everyday on timeline on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. Occasionally, a drink, a nature hike or an adventure holiday with them. Life is great to be among cheerful company. Even greater when many confided because of the trust we had built over time. Never a stale moment.

Searching for sense in sensibilities, strength in adversity.

A reasonable woman undergoing an ugly subject, menopause.

Work has also consumed me much. Much, much reorganizing the chaos built over the years’ of hurried growth. I shall endeavor it this time around in a better way.

In the middle of all these God’s grace, there lies a giant H easel stand, many brushes, some paints and a few other larger canvases prepared by hubby for me  to fulfill my dream to complete my long yearned dream …. completing a masterpiece, my masterpiece.

How can I say no to painting colours into my life again?

 

baby oh baby

April 14th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink

Having been alone the last 15 years, you can try to imagine my state of insecurity. Try harder.

I was self inflict with paranoia, distrust and delusional.

Cranking and chanting, he loves me, he loves me not.

Obsessed, I made him promised a million things, and this one thing in particular

TERMINATION.

Each and everyone of them. No matter how small the flickering lights on a dampened wicker.

Kill it.

Call me possessive, call me nuts. Delete all skype, mobile and email contacts. numbers from his little naughty black book be erased.

I left him no chance. Made him assure me that nothing and no one is gonna come between us.

BUT, my Stevie sighed a big CANNOT.

Desperate I was to be hitched, I hide my disgust and gave him my broadest mechanical smile and asked, ” But why?”.

He pleaded impossibility.

The truth be known.

I have to share everything with Miss M, his favourite niece, a little kiddo.

This is a special one that I must promise to allow to come in between us.

Someone that he would treat best first, before me. I must allow him to address her as affectionately as “baby”, endearment, I thought should be exclusive for me as girlfriend and then as wife.

Never mind that; I thought, Margaux was no competition. She is only a kid, for god’s sake, Joanne.

Moreover, he promised that Margaux will be his little baby and I am the grand one.

in between - lenscape of my mind

We went through many embarrassing moments, whenever he mentioned “BABY” and we had to decide, whom was he addressing.

Those days, it was so hilarious when Margaux wanted to sleep in between us. Especially, when she won in pleading hubby to stay over with her and poor me had to drive home and sleep alone. I rarely win here, I walk over. For heaven’s sake, Margaux is just a sweet little kid.

After 2 years, Margaux and I have become the best of friends. We know how to adjust and be happy; that’s when Stevie gets to sleep in the middle, sandwich between us.

Of course, quietly, tuck underneath his pillow he has his current beau.

His new baby, a black berry.

 

 

a visitor

April 5th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink

reincarnation - lenscape of my mind

It is Qing Ming season.

Noticed this beautiful moth sitting quietly on the kitchen wall.

Warned not to kill or shoo it away, way back when I was even a kid.

I have been made to believe, these moths are our relatives who have passed on.

They are visitors.

Do we really come back?

begone

April 3rd, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink

清明 杜牧

清明时节雨纷纷,
路上行人欲断魂。
借问酒家何处有?
牧童遥指杏花村。

Qing Ming by Du Mu

It drizzles endless during the rainy season in spring,
Travelers along the road look gloomy and miserable.
When I ask a shepherd boy where I can find a tavern,
He points at a distant hamlet nestling amidst apricot blossoms.

beautiful beings - stevie chan

 

I want to celebrate life.

To have spent my time and hard-earned money on travel, basic amenities of comfort and a little to spare for emergencies.

Sickness? I have my insurance to deal with it.

Retirement? I don’t know if I could live beyond that. If I do, hopefully I should live long enough to spend all my money inside the Employee Provident Fund.

I feel sad with the way people handle death. Whoever’s idea for elaborate burials?

See no need to get myself a majestic tombstone. Nor a budget columbarium.

Why let people profit from my death?

I have decided and agreed with my siblings to cremate me. No need for storage in a beautiful ceramic urn. Keep it simple and no stress for loved ones.

Toss me into a river.

When I am dead, remember me everyday for the time we had spent together. Remember how I had meant much to have made our lives beautiful. Remember me whenever you miss me.

Travel not a day in a year just to catch glimpses of my past.

When I am dead, let me be gone.

All memories of me stay, everyday in every way!

soul searching

March 26th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink

red dragonfly - lenscape of my mind

Four red dragonflies, circling the tempting pool this morning.

twirling moments

March 22nd, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink

whirlpool- lenscqpe of my mind

Our mind is like a pool.

An ocean of randomness.

At times, they bear recurring patterns.

Sometimes, haunting and daunting.

Sometimes, happy and pleasant.

Sometimes, empty and meaningless.

Most times, they are in a state of their own.

Every time, they are mine.

Each, a landscape of my mind.

 

godly coincidences

March 20th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink

sometimes

i think god is funny

there are 2 alexes in my life

both in the past tense now

the first Alex

a guy  i’d wanted to marry

and madly in love

the second Alex

a guy i wasn’t too sure about marrying

and i did but parted

tasmania - lenscape of my mind

sometimes

i think god is funny

there are 2 steves in my life

both are his gifts

the first a Steven

my puppy love

first guy i dated

the second a Stevie

my loving husband

last guy who makes me loved

is karen going to die?

March 17th, 2011 § 0 comments § permalink

pic by stevie chan

 

I was shocked when walter sent me a DM 2 weeks ago, sharing the news that Karen has cancer. She would be the first friend i know to have it.

Today is her 25th day fighting cancer.

On the  1st  day of discovery, a big part of her liver has been attacked. The doctor gave her  6 months to live.

On the  19th day, a biopsy report showed the cancer is spread from her colon upwards to her liver. Immediate chemotherapy and surgery is advised.

She has come open with her cancer. Posting out to friends on her fight and educating us on almost a daily account on her Facebook account. I salute her calmness and collectedness facade, underneath I am sure she has her worries and doubts. Her husband and her 2 beautiful kids.

Advice come pouring in and she is in a deadlock with no answers. The clock is ticking.

I grow up understanding that cancer does not discriminate. To date, she has taken many of my relatives away and spared an aunty.

At 9 years old, I barely knew how deadly cancer was. My first aunty found a lump on my late little cousin, Siew Luan’s thigh. Siew Luan was a fighter, she consoled her mom to be grateful that she only needed to amputate the bad leg. She was happy limping and playing hide and seek with us. She was grateful to be alive. But not for long. soon there were more tumours spreading all over her body. She was blinded when those cancer went up her head.

My third uncle died having throat cancer and 40 years later his daughter, my cousin sister died of womb cancer.

My little nephew died after a kidney transplant and a cousin’s husband passed away last year, 3 month’s after discovering he had throat cancer. He had been smoking for 30 years.

My third aunty was diagnosed with cervical cancer and she survived 19 years on.

Many fought and few survived.

Is Karen going to die?

I pray she is as lucky as my aunty. God bless.